Atonement

You’ve been searching for me for an age

Not too hard though

Occasionally, perhaps

In moments of reflection, moments of quiet

When the noise of life lulls and can’t distract your thoughts from all you’ve done.

You made it to the finish line intact

Not without loss though

Mentally drained, perhaps

Through years of deception, slips of morality

When you told yourself you were righteous over and over again.

You could find me through what you have learned

Not the easy way though

Never that lucky are many

Through stints of self-service, passion of pride

Voicing your value to a faceless but attentive crowd who were worthless to you in the end.

You may encounter me in farthest lands

Never just down the road

Where memories are preserved

Through misdemeanours, large and small

Will you not just be the same angry cunt under the guise of a new start?

You may find me through purest ignorance

But more likely from regret

Or emptiness, perhaps

Creates room for tiny particles of hope

That drift in the air a little while before fading away.

You could find me in the sheets of sin

Not without lust, though

Sexual ecstasy, perhaps

for fleeting satisfaction, temporary vices

Where time ceases and burning desire rules, you devote yourself so easily.

You might find me in walls of prison cells

Not without felony though

Chalk lines in fives

‘We’re all innocent here’, they claim

But deep down you must be different, not the same mockery of society as that other scum.

You find your chest a little lighter, sure

Never a bad thing

More collected in thought

That burn in your throat not so acidic

Releasing that ball and chain will still leave you limping, and those that know will know.

Despite your jaded trip, you’ve found me here

Am I all you expected?

An instantly trusted friend

Never quite a full lung without me, was there?

You must feel less alone in the crowd now, right? Behold, your atonement,

Your greatest chance of freedom

You deserve it.