I Love You, I Hate You, Don't Leave Me

Sit and try to be still.

In the dealing of love and loss everything I endure must be gradual.

Any quick moves will only cause me injury

 And I acknowledge that I’m fragile like porcelain doll

Healing has always been a slow crawl but I try my best to keep level headed.

Born to this world in 3rd degree burns.

Respect the wound.

Bath me in blood.

I should allow the pain to cradle me into forgiveness.

Maybe it ripped open something else I only half loved into being fixed.

I used to feel like the pain of rejection was the worst thing to ever happen but it has saved me at every turn.

I am so grateful.

I used low quality fertilizer on the bed of my relationship with you and wondered why I was malnourished.

I hope you can forgive me for watering you daily with acid rain.

As I will forgive myself for not waiting on better materials to give you.

So I’ll plant healthier roots.

Grow.

I’ll rip apart the foundation of the earth I once knew.

I’ll put good in and wait for the season to cycle through.

I’ll account for the grave in my earth that seems unifiable.

Attempt once more to fill it with life.

The kind filled with memories and not bodies as a sacrifice.

In the end.

I would have pushed you in first if you didn’t push me.

Oh, but my heart fell first.

I (uhh)

would have occupied that spot to assure you that Hades reserved our place.

I’ll never forget the way I loved you.

Nor will I forget the way you let me fall from the sky.

Icorist be damned

Icorist befriend me

We are the only two beings who know what it is to fall alone. 

Alone together.

But why

Why

Fuck forgiveness.

Meeting you is something I’ll only half regret.

Fuck forgiveness

You deserve to forgive yourself.

Why is accountability my responsibility?

I will walk this earth all by myself.

I have to tame this monster inside my soul with cold isolation.

You should be isolated.

I hate you.

If your house is made of glass

My weapon is your coffin.

Destroy you like you did me.

If you are a balloon

I am the push pin

Dance with me.

I dare you.

I watch you combust

Dissipate into the air

No (sorrowful)

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me

What have I done?

I love you

(Chuckle)

You were a mirror to the beauty of the both of us.

I hate you

You made me drown in a pool of my own tears

And threw me my poems to you as a life raft.

Don’t leave me

I am not anyone but who you want me to be.

I love you I hate you don’t leave me