Monkey With A Gun

The email exchanges of two American TV executives discussing upcoming TV programming.

Executive 1— sent:

I want to talk to you about a new show we want to promote: Monkey with a Gun.

Executive 2— reply:

WTF, Monkey with a Gun?!?

Sent:

Yes! Now hear me out. As you well know, with all the mass shootings and live-streamed murders, people have become completely desensitized to our normal shoot-'em-up action shows; they don’t grab attention anymore. It’s redundant. Humans killing humans is just so yesterday.

Reply:

Yeah, that has become a real problem; we’re losing ratings and market shares fast with what was once reliable kiddie fodder.

Sent:

So get this, it’s a reality show where all we have to do is literally take a monkey to a busy mall and give it a loaded gun. And best of all, NO actors or writers to PAY (smiley face and dollar sign emojis). The damn monkey literally works for bananas.

Reply:

I’m just really not sure of the legality of this?!

Sent:

That’s the sweet spot, my man; the NRA is completely onboard. Congress won’t say shit. We’ll sell MAGA hats: Monkeys Armed = Great America. Hell, we’ll make a killing from the gun manufacturers' sponsorship alone. Seriously— most of the time the damn monkey probably won’t pull the trigger, but think of the RATINGS when it does. 

Reply:

We would have to tell the public what would be happening, and no one is going to show up at a mall when there’s a monkey running around with a loaded gun. Plus, what mall would allow it?

Sent:

Wrong! Our surveys show it will be HUGE. Now granted, our demographic is mostly young males; however, a shocking number of females love the idea, mostly the QAnon types. They eat up the Conspiracy Factor. We’ve already started the social media rumor that the Deep State CIA trained the monkey under orders of the Obama administration. We’ll have them sign ironclad waivers and NDAs that the legal team has already drawn up. Moreover, most malls are struggling just to get customers in the door. We’ll double their occupancy—money talks, and this will be one money-making monkey. We’ll do it in a high-poverty area with easily bought lawmakers—a gun state—let’s say… South Carolina. It’ll go over like gangbusters.

Reply:

Shouldn’t we be more specific, you know; call it Monkey with a Loaded Gun; build up the hype?

Sent:

No. Way too long; not snazzy. Look, I’ve analyzed the data-mining research. Trust me when I say Americans will always assume the gun is loaded. As for hype, wait until you hear the theme song. Imagine Kid Rock belting out the lyrics, “You Better Run, from the Monkey with a Gun!” Besides, what’s the point of giving a monkey an unloaded gun? That’s just absurd.

Reply:

            When do we start production?