While Waiting For The Dam To Burst

I watch her cross

her naked

legs in the

armchair

her grin shines in

the darkness

like a

tilted half moon

I watch her slim fingers

squeeze

the orange, her sharp,

black painted

nails sinking into the peel

and clawing it off

the orange drips

on her thigh

and she wipes the drop

with her pinkie

and sucks on it

then points it at me

“Mm, yeah, it’s better this

way.” she says. “Nobody can see

you crying in

the dark.”

“I’m not crying,” I say

Her smile

stretches an idea further

“Didn’t I see you checking

your phone a minute

ago? And your

expression is

unchanged. That means...

another formal rejection. Like,

seriously, what’s the

count?”

I sigh. “368...”

She slurps at

the orange. “368... Yeah, that

book ain’t getting

published any time soon.

Or maybe it’s

the query letter that’s

not good, you thought about it?”

“I thought... about everything.

I’m no longer thinking

now. Just doing

it mechanically. Querying agents

and independent publishing

houses. Everyone.”

“Maybe you’re on a

blacklist somewhere.”

I shrug. “Maybe.”

“But despite all this,”

she says. “I see you’re still

going at it.

I like that. You know, for some

men success is like water held

back by a dam. The water keeps

gathering

and gathering and growing heavier

and in time the dam grows weaker

until it finally bursts. Oh, and

when it does... the water

flows in such quantities

that you can’t handle it anymore.”

“I’ve heard the

analogy before,” I say

“Well, it’s true,” she says. “Look,

I once had the honor

to haunt a man who was

treated like a doormat all

his life.

Yet nothing affected him as

strongly as when

at the age of forty

he found out that

his nineteen year old daughter was

not his. Of course, his wife

cheated on him like

crazy.

Finally, the poor fucker

wanted to kill himself. He had

enough. And that’s... kinda what

turned his life around. All of it.”

“What, a suicide attempt?

It won’t work

for me.”

“Not exactly the suicide

attempt,” she says. “It

was the girl he raised as his

own daughter. I still remember

the scene. Poor girl

ran up to him

and caught him in a

tight embrace just as he was

about to jump over the

balcony rail. Eleventh floor. They

both began to cry and he

begged her to just let him go. He

invoked all the people

who treated him like

shit in life and abused him.

Starting with that cheating

wife, of course. By this time

she was no longer in their life.

And that’s how it

all began.”

“That’s how what

began?” I ask

“Their love,” she says. “They

became lovers.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I’m tellin’ you, that

girl is some looker. I don’t

know whom her mom cheated with

when she conceived her, but

damn he must’ve had some

crazy good genes. Thus,

a real beauty among beauties

was born. And she’s all

her step-daddy’s now. They’re

getting married soon. I guess she’s

even pregnant. I still spy

on them sometimes

right after they make love. You

wouldn’t believe the warmth of

their words as they

talk to each other. It’s like

poetry, only wholesome on

all levels.

But anyway, that’s the idea,

keep holding on to life

no matter how bleak

things might get. Just know,

one day that fuckin’ dam will

break and then... better be

ready to handle all that

flood of success in your life.”

“What a shitty story,”

I say

“Don’t like this one?

Oh, I’ve got others. Tons. How

about you

open up a bottle? Something

strong. Have a few

drinks and I’ll watch you. Maybe

I’ll touch myself at the

sight of you drinking. Then, I’ll

give you some more

wholesome stories.”

“It’s 3 AM,” I say. “I’m sleepless

and hungry, It’s no

time to drink. Let’s just

look out the window

at the full moon.”

She stands

licking her lips with

that sharp, crimson tongue

“No thanks,” she says. “There’s

a rat giving birth

in the basement. I’m going

down there to watch. I bet

she’s gonna eat at least two

of the babies. It’s hot

stuff, but you wouldn’t get it.

Well, I’m off. See you

later.”

And she’s gone

The full moon

outside my window looks

like a pale face

trying to say something

I hope it’s

something wholesome

and open the window

to listen